Thursday, January 26, 2012
Personal Note - Some Stuff Lately
I really, really wanted to avoid having to make this post, since I figured I'd work through things without it being noticed, but it's just really not working and I think it's having a fairly adverse effect on my posts lately. I really don't like to do a post like this since it's only going to be relevant now, but I guess a lot of posts are like that anyway, and I've learned recently that only by talking about things or actually putting them out there that I can really work through them. So that's pretty much what this is going to be, and I apologize right now since it's very likely that this won't be interesting in the least and border on self-serving for the simple fact that I sort of believe actually coming out and saying it, putting it out there will help. I guess I'm just a bit desperate for that by now.
Since the Tuesday before last, I've been single for the first time in five or six years. It's....been going about as well as could be expected. Which is not very. It's sort of weird as it's not exactly new in a few senses; the relationship was long-distance, so it's not like I was waking up with someone, just the knowledge that there was -someone-. On top of that, the last few months were fairly trying; to say communication was strained would be understating thing, so I pretty much felt alone in that aspect. So I figured, y'know, when it was official, it wouldn't be that much different and let me tell you, I was wrong. It wasn't really so bad at the start, really, as I actually was working on my Harvest Moon DS post before the ex and I had 'the talk' and while I was upset, I obviously ended up finishing it before shuffling off to the world of Youtube to console myself with Happy Wheels videos.
The day after, however, and truthfully a few days following, I simply did not want to get out of bed. So....I didn't, at least not for a while, spending hours after waking up (far earlier than I am used to, by the by) just laying there, idly listening to the Television and thinking about nothing. I lost a goodly bit of motivation unfortunately, and I personally think my last few posts haven't really been up to snuff which is more or less why I'm writing this now. I don't know if you guys have noticed, but I certainly have and you know me, I have to acknowledge these things. I've been getting a bit better about it, slowly, and the hope is that I'll get back to posts that I'm happy with soon, since I've at least still -wanted- to post and still -managed- to post which I am happy with at least.
It's hard to explain, I guess, in that my brain just isn't working the right way. I use to be able to sit down, figure out what I want to write about and just go at it. Any distractions were handled easily and I got back to it. Now I find myself starting a post, finishing a paragraph and going off for half an hour to do something nonsensical so that when I come back I'm just in a completely different mindset. It feels disjointed and I think it kind of translates, but again, maybe I'm just being a bit over-critical. It's a bit to be expected that I'm thrown off my game, really, but accepting it just isn't good enough, frankly, since I want to just get back to how it was. And I'm -going to-, but I don't know how long it'll take, so I guess the overall point of this is just to ask you guys to bear with me until I'm really back into the swing of things. With any luck, it won't be much longer.