Thursday, June 21, 2012
Final Fantasy VII Getting a Re-Release Kind Of
So, hey remember when Final Fantasy VII was released for PC? N....no? You don't? Well.....uh....it happened. It was a thing that existed. I should know, because I own it....somewhere. And never got it to work past a certain boss or random encounter that I don't remember because, as we all know, Final Fantasy VII wasn't really, uh, good on PC. It's a common complaint from that era and continues even now because nobody has realized that you actually have to work on a port to make sure it works on the systems that you obviously didn't really want it to be on, but yet still wanted the money from it. I'm not grouchy or bitter at all at that whole thing, what are you talking about? Regardless, Final Fantasy VII, by all accounts (that I've heard of, as well as experienced) was a pretty egregious case on the PC even for the time and the standard.
Obviously, the best idea is to re-release that version with a few tweaks on PC. Wait, what? When I say tweaks, I mean added Cloud Saving functionality (hurr hurr), Achievements (Nobody cares about them on PC games!) and a Thing where you can just kind of click to get free HP, MP and money called the "Character Booster". No, I am not exaggerating. Yes, it is kind of defeating the purpose of an RPG. No, I don't expect it to be criticized. No, it doesn't make any goddamn sense. Considering all we have to go on is a cached webpage, I'm not saying that's -all- the information we have about it in regards to the tweaks, nor do I expect "Hey, we made it so you can actually play the game now" would be a bullet point, but I -am- saying that I expect it as much as I don't expect it. Because I anticipate Squeenix doing dumb things, you realize, because they do that a lot. I mean, I think re-releasing Final Fantasy VII on PC for '£7.99 / €9.99' (no $ listed, but it translates to about $12.50, so expect $9.99-14.99) with -even less work necessary- than most re-releases nowadays is as brilliant as it is terrible, so you kind of see where I'm coming from.
Well, one thing that the site doesn't clear up is just how they plan on distributing the game, which I imagine is likely because it's not really fully in the works yet, what with the no $ thing. Regardless, if this is even real (which, let's face it, it's like 98% possible) the likely thing would be to suggest integrating the game into Steam for the copy-protection, actually using the Achievements, and having a realistic expectation of the game to actually sell to people who play PC games. There are other avenues, of course, but considering Squeenix's PC ventures are already on Steam (At least FFXI and XIV which, despite whatever flak you might give them, are legitimate installments for Squeenix and Steam's partnership), I'm not going to suggest them, nor am I going to suggest that Squeenix is dumb enough to attempt their own service, ala Origin. I mean, they are, but it's not going to happen, thankfully, because I think they're starting to realize that they kind of need to start -making- money soon. (Which would be a lot easier if you would localize fucking games like Final Fantasy Type-0 you fucks. I don't even care on what, re-format it for the Vita and localize it for $40, I'll fucking buy it.)
As an idea, this is all pretty inoffensive aside from the Character Booster which I will have to see in action before I acknowledge it as anything but dumb and I would probably buy it if I was into PC gaming and such. Since Steam Money cards are officially a thing, I could even buy it as more than a theoretical. It's totally possible now. But I already have a digital PSOne version of the game bought, and I'm just waiting for the day that it's playable on the Vita (Or I happen across a really cheap PSPGo) to give it another good once through. It won't have trophies because why would this quick cash-grab extend to anywhere but PC, but it'll be fine enough. Really, I think this all just came around because, during a meeting, some higher-ups were talking about some quick cash ideas. Since the next port up is Final Fantasy VI, they were talking about that and the different versions of it out there to see if there was anything else. And then someone says "Hey, did you guys know we released FFVII on PC?" and everyone looks at each other in wonderment as he says "It was 1998, though. Also barely playable. I guess we should just ign-" and then he was promptly assaulted by someone else who said "GET SOME PEOPLE ON IT RIGHT NOW. FIX IT, ADD A COUPLE THINGS AND CHARGE CHARGE CHARGE!". It was likely very entertaining and oh god, I really shouldn't be doing things when I'm sick like this.
Still, it's pretty neat that other people will be able to play the game in a way that they likely have not done so before. At least not legally. And likely not the PC version because seriously, who else knew it existed? If you're holding your hand up, first off, stop that because I can't see you and second off, you're lying. Who knows, if it goes well, maybe we'll see something similar with Final Fantasy VIII because it -also- had a PC release that you didn't know about either. And it is likely just as ripe for re-jiggering with achievements and other silly things as VII was which was, uh, not all that ripe at all. I mean, come on, VIII was released on PC 12 years ago likely as an after-thought of gigantic proportions. At least VIII has Triple Triad, though. Mmm....maybe they'll add online multi-player with Triple Triad. They won't, but it's fun to dream.