Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Tired and Cranky

If there's a few things you've gleaned about me from my blogposts, especially the more personal ones (which are rare, admittedly), one of them is probably that I have struggled lately to be positive about things and generally try and keep an upbeat attitude.  I've done a pretty good job of it with a few hiccups here and there, but it's nothing that I really try and let get me down.  The last couple days have been more of the same about that, but my erratic and silly work schedule has really taken a toll on me that I haven't really registered until tonight when I realized I have been just a cranky person the last few days.  Like, crankier than the occasional piece of snark here or there - more along the lines of full-on, 'fuck this, fuck you, fuck everything' which has been a rare thing for...well, a couple years, honestly.  Which is good that it's rare, but that does then make it a bit unsettling when it does come around.

I think when it really hit was tonight when I was plugging away at the Dragon Fantasy review I've had open since....Sunday.  It's really not coming together the way I want it to and at one point I said to myself, "Am I literally going to explain how an NES-era RPG works?  Is that literally something I'm going to do?"  For a moment, I was so annoyed with that, with the whole concept of it and that I had to consider it, that I just grumbled, saved it and closed it once more as I have three times by now.  Usually, I would try to work through it or something, but instead I did the equivalent of upending the table I was writing on and stomped away.  Admittedly, it's less violent on a computer and in this format, but still, it's bothersome at the very least.

Part of the issue is Spring, as it always is.  I complain ceaselessly about it, but I just cannot handle ridiculous heat, and in my opinion, an indoor temperature of 82 degrees -with- a fan on at 11:30 at night is fucking ridiculous.  I say every year that I'm going to look into some sort of solution, but I never do and simply end up bitching for six months on end while also being miserable for various reasons.  Hopefully this will be the year where I'm motivated enough to -actually- do something about it, since I guess there are now Space Coolers that don't have to be hung halfway out a window to work.  Or maybe that's not a new thing and I am just a dumb.  I just know that a Space Heater is....'necessary' for out here for when it gets colder (obviously, I'm not a fan) so a similar option for when it's hot out here at least should have been a possibility, though the previously mentioned window thing was an issue.  If it's not now, then this might be a bearable Spring and Summer.

Another part of my grumbling is that there are rumors moving about the internet that the just released Deadly Premonition:  Director's Cut runs a little dodgy.  Being that it was a game I was actually looking forward to getting without expecting much, it's hard to say that I'm going into it expecting something bad now, but it's not outside the realm of thought.  It's not that you'd expect Deadly Premonition of all games to be a technical marvel or even 'smooth' (it was $20 on the original 360 release, and only got bumped up for $40 on PS3 because Blu-Rays are a bit more expensive, plus the content added), but rather that you'd expect the port of a two year old game that took something like a year to do would work.  Like, decently.  But with reports of stuttering framerates and strange audio echos or tinniness, not to mention the 'graphic overhaul' doing little for the better, if not for the worse, it's hard to not get discouraged.  Being the internet, it's hard to tell what's exaggerated and what isn't, so the only true test will be playing it myself, which I am understandably wary about doing.

Basically, I'm just being cranky and grumbly and tired because of things and it's really gotten in the way of writing things that I would prefer writing.  So instead, I did this.  Since I very obviously -do- want to write, even if I'm perhaps not in the best place to do so.  Hopefully, it'll pass - after all, I have a day off tomorrow if all goes well, so perhaps a day of simply recharging, getting some Soul Sacrifice in or playing through the end of Thomas Was Alone will assuage my undercurrent of 'bleh'.  Or maybe I'll veg out and catch up on my youtube videos since there's about three dozen of them that I haven't watched yet and are just begging for a marathon session.  Several, in fact, given that the bulk of them are 30-minute videos or better.  Which just makes me glad that the Vita has a Youtube App, because I'd just say 'fuck it' otherwise.  Regardless, tomorrow looks like a day that has potential, so here's hoping.

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